Little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Well, I want to start off todays blog with the topic of goals.

As part of my transition, my facility suggested that we all make a list of 100 pre and post op goals. (Both combined on one page mind you)  I definitely struggled to do this.  I tried to do this by myself and sort of be alone since, I really didn't want anyone to see me crying.  The more I put this stuff on paper, the more real it became.  Many of you who have not had weight problems, do not realize how much it suffocates you.  It makes you not be able to have a full life.  You cannot do the things that you want to do, do the things you'd think you'd enjoy.  You just don't get the whole life that you feel like you deserve.  I love nature, I love outdoors.  But how can I enjoy it if I'm just sitting down since I can't walk a million miles or hike without wanting to keel over or vomit?  How can I enjoy seeing new places or adventures when all I'm worried about is if I'll be able to fit in places, like tables-chairs-doorways, etc.  When you're this obese, you HAVE to think of these things.  I've passed out dinner dates with people since I know I would be too embarresed to have to ask for a table since I didn't want to worry or not that I would actually fit inside of a booth.  Going to movies is sometimes unnerving, can't go to baseball games, concerts, anything that's fun!  I was so scared when Diane wanted to go to the baseball game as her bachlorette's party, since I was worried there would be so many people in the row, that I would be on top of them.  Thank goodness the seats in the new stadium were awesome, I got super lucky. 

I think a great mind blower was to write down those goals.  No matter how ridiculous they seemed, no matter how embarrassing they were, write them down and stare at them straight in the face.  Just a few goals:

Buy a pinup dress and do a photoshoot

Be able to get off of the floor without mooning everyone

Be able to tie your shoes without sitting down

Being able to sit in an airplane without a seatbelt extender

Those are just a few. There are so many more that I want to accomplish. And I will.  I'm very excited about this new chapter that is arising.

Now, for a quick update on my journey- On vacation I gained 7.5lbs.  I have to say, I've already lost 4!  I'm almost back to where I was.  Also, I bought a pair of jeans for vacation and couldn't put them on, but last week I put them on, and I can button them without even laying down.  I gained weight, but my body changed and I definitely feel a little thinner.  I'll definitely take that.   This weekend I am going to make some 'weight loss marble jars'.  I think it'll be awesome to see what I've done so far and how much I have to go.

Example: http://hotmessprincess.com/2012/01/motivation-marbles/


I also want to share a story, that I didnt' share with anyone when it happened since I was so upset. But I want to get it off of my chest.  While on vacation I had a bad 'episode'.  Missy was there with me, and she saw how horrifying it was.  I can't wait until this is a part of my past. 

I'm just writing this to end my blog for today, I thought it was fitting for my topic of goals. This is an example of how difficult it can be being obese.  I honestly think it's a disease and a disability to a point.  Most of you just don't understand.  Here is what happened, I did copy/paste this from a WLS group that I confessed this too, I needed someone who understood to talk to:

"I had a little 'episode' this weekend that made me a bit upset/depressed and I thought I would share it with people that understand to get it off of my chest. I'm still pre-op and weight close to 400lbs. So obviously I'm a big girl. While a friend and I made a trip to a little town to do some souvenier shopping, we were in a gift shop and this family of 2 parents and 4 kids walk by. The kids stop to look at some stuff, and the parents continued to walk a little further. At this point, my friend and I walk past the kids and one of their youngest kids (prob 5-7 yrs old) screams 'omg you're fat' then continues to yell to his mother down the store 'mom! Mom'! This girl is really really fat! Look mom! Mom she's really really fat." I just stop dead in my tracks looking at the Mother who is not paying attention to her child and he is hollering, calling me fat and pointing at me like I'm a side show freak. Yes...I know it's a kid but the mother didn't even stop him. After a FEW MINUTES, of him repeating that I'm fat and pointing, I finally got angry and go 'Excuse me, can you please tell your child to stop' in which she looked at me like I had seven heads and goes 'um...what is he even saying!" So I said he keeps yelling and calling me fat, to which she replied 'did he really say that' and she asked the kid and he goes 'yes mom, she's really fat, look at her!'

So what does the mom do? She rolls her eyes, and goes 'hunny that's not nice to say, don't say that' then walks away, didn't even apologize for her wretched kid. I got a bit angry after that and I yelled "I know I'm fat, doesn't mean that I have to be reminded" She still didn't say anything, just kept walking. I was so mortified. I wanted to cry, but I kept my cool. The friend I was with, almost beat the lady, but she knew I was upset and didn't want to cause anymore of a scene.

Sorry this was long, but I just wanted to share. I can't wait to get the surgery. No more pain from the weight, and hopefully no more embarrassing episodes like this one."